I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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