At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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