I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
