How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
