im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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