i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
