That's intense
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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