I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
