at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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