I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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