whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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