I want to make a zoo with you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
