i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
