Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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