dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
