omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
