Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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