those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wish there were birth control emojis
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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