they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
