I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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