Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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