I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
