I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
