he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
