oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
