This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
