I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
