So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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