Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
