hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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