If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
