and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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