i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
