i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
