my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
