Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We need to rekindle our bromance
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
