no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
foreskin is a definite game changer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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