it hurts more in the daytime
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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