soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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