if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
