Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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