The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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