ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
