Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
