Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
