I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize