my sisters under your porch take her home
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
