I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
