i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
