Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
