I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
