Farmville is her only friend.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
