Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
someone owes me an orgasm
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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