just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
