Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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