So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
