The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
