make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
