we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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