"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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