Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Princesses don't give blow jobs

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(201): View more from New Jersey

if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

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(937): View more from Ohio

There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times

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(260): View more from Indiana

He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.

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(409): View more from Texas

Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo

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(425): View more from Washington

Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father

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