yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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