my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
