wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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