I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
