so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
