If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
