Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
