Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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