my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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