Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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